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I lay in bed every single night and cherish the little movements that Blakeleigh makes. She’s alive, she’s there, it’s real and I feel her constantly. She hiccups, she kicks, she squirms around and flips all over. When Daddy talks or is near, I’m sure she knows it’s him. She wiggles even more when I talk to her and sing (even though it might not be that great) and I know she loves me. No, she hasn’t made her appearance yet, she still has a few more weeks to go, but it’s amazing what our bodies can do to create these little lives. It’s amazing how much I can tell and feel about her before I have even held her. I waited so long for her. I prayed for her, we struggled to get her here, and now it’s our time, it’s my time. It’s my turn to be a Mom and experience Motherhood.
I have such a strong connection with her already, as her mother and as her provider. Each day I cradle my growing belly and pray that she will stay healthy and strong. I think back to the times we wanted her so badly, but God said it wasn’t our time yet. I remember finding out I was finally pregnant and how I couldn’t wait to feel her kicks and turns. Watching her grow the last seven and a half months have been amazing. She started teeny tiny and now I can see her little imprints on the outside of my belly. So I ask myself, the question I’ve been asking myself for months now. Does Mother’s Day count for me this year? Do I get to celebrate it?
My answer, yes. I’ve battled with this answer for several reasons. One, is it offensive? Is it offensive to other Moms for me to celebrate it? For those that have been struggling to get pregnant? I know that last one all too well, each Mother’s Day that went passed as we were trying to have a baby was more painful than the last. But I’ve come to the conclusion, and the answer is yes. Maybe it’s selfish, one might say so, but honestly it feels good to be a little selfish. I can feel her, I can see her move, I have such a strong connection with her already. I haven’t experienced holding her yet, but I can only imagine what it will feel like–the joy that it will bring. I’ve prayed for her, I do pray for her, I’ve prepared to bring her into the world and continue to do so. I do all that I can to keep her safe, to provide for her and love her as much as I can. I’m experiencing the first stages of Motherhood right now.
As we get closer to her arrival I find myself constantly preparing for her. Organizing her nursery, folding her little clothes and making sure everything is ready. Going through this stage we all call, nesting. The word fits perfectly, I’m preparing my little nest for my sweet baby to come home to. Making sure she will be comfortable here, buying diapers, cleaning like a mad woman, and making our home an overall safe place to bring her home to. Another step in this journey of Motherhood.
Even if I were only a few weeks pregnant, I think it’s only fair to celebrate Mother’s Day. For that’s the beginning, the start of something spectacular. Finding out you’re going to have a baby, whether through adoption, pregnancy, surrogate, you name it–it’s the most spectacular thing in the world. All of us deserve to be recognized, for our hard work now and the journey that’s going to come once baby is here. I can only imagine how much better it’s going to be next year when I’m holding my sweet baby in my arms! I can’t wait to be hugging and kissing Miss Blake next Mother’s Day and every day until then!
So this weekend, when Sunday rolls around, I won’t be doubting whether or not Mother’s Day counts for me. I’ll know it does and I’ll be enjoying the day with my family. Celebrating with a beautiful dinner prepared by my own Mom and surrounded by the ones that I love. So to all of my Moms, Moms to be, and those praying for their miracle baby–this Sunday is your day. Cherish it, love it, and celebrate it.