This time has felt so incredibly surreal so far. There are moments when I feel in a daze, maybe because I’m running on two hours of sleep, but most likely because I’m on cloud nine. On Friday and everyday since I’ve experienced a love I had no idea was possible. Blake is the most perfect happiness I’ve ever felt. The reason I don’t sleep is mainly because I can’t stop staring at her and checking on her. I remember saying I would never be “that mom”, the one that over analyzes everything and asks the doctor a million questions. Well, I’m that Mom. 100% that Mom and I don’t even care.
These past few days have been filled with more emotions than I thought possible. It’s been incredible, frustrating, amazing and exhausting, but I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. The hardest part about the last four days would be watching my sweet baby get tests done for jaundice, blood sugar, etc. She had so many little heel pokes it breaks my heart and literally brought tears to my eyes having to watch her go through it, but yesterday all of that ended and hopefully for good! Breastfeeding has been challenging, which is where the frustrating emotion comes in. It’s definitely a learning curve for both of us and I kept finding myself in tears and frustrated because I just couldn’t make it “work” easily. Finally yesterday we met with a lactation nurse though and Blake has been a breastfeeding champ ever since–seriously y’all those lactation ladies are ah-mazing!
I know I said it already, but seriously the love I have for my sweet Blake and my husband is something incredible. I would do anything for her, drop everything and quite honestly don’t have a care in the world right now minus her and my little family–it’s secretly the best feeling not worrying about anything else. It’s been incredible. Dishes are piling up, laundry is sitting all over, I have an inbox with hundreds of unanswered emails and I haven’t brushed my hair in a couple of days, but as long as I get to stare at Blake all day I’m more than content. The nights have been late and full of feedings every 2-3 hours and tossing and turning because I am so sore. I’ve slept an average of 3 hours a night, but that’s partially my fault. I catch myself checking on her every five minutes, waking up constantly to make sure she is okay or just to stare at her and watch her little faces she makes while she sleeps. Who needs sleep anyways? 😉 We will get the hang of it soon, but for now, worrying new Mom syndrome and obsessed staring new Mom syndrome will have to do.
Now, if I could just get her to stay tiny forever that would be great. She loves her sleep, smiles accidentally often and has her Daddy wrapped around her finger. Seriously y’all, I LOVE watching Marcus with her. Last night I got out of the shower and caught him singing to her and she was just staring back at him. Talk about SWOON. I fell in love with him all over again.
Well, if you need me I’ll be snuggling the cutest little swaddled up burrito baby you ever did see. Motherhood is ah-mazing.