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The other day while I was nursing Blake on the couch I was picking apart every single part of my house that I could see. Plus, I was looking on Pinterest at all the beautiful homes and home decor thinking why can’t my house look like this? Why can’t we be moving yet? Why do they get a beautiful home? Which lead to, my kitchen is ugly, I hate my floors, I need a new couch, blah, blah, blah. Lots of negative thoughts.
I’ve realized this is pretty much a daily game. If not about my home decor, then about my hair that day, or life, or whatever else is going wrong that day. Constant bad thoughts, constant negativity, and plenty of comparisons to the lives around me. Well that same day that I was wallowing in self pity for not having a pretty house, a thought popped in my head. Do I want Blake to think like this? The answer, absolutely not. I want her to be the happiest girl in the world and for her to feel like she has the world (even if she doesn’t). It’s all a mindset and well reality check, I have the wrong mindset.
If I’m constantly streaming bad thoughts and negativity in my mind it’s most likely going to show. Which means, Blake is going to pick up on it and that’s exactly what I DON’T want. So I set out to fix it, to set some goals and figure out how I’m going to push bad thoughts and negativity out of my mind. Well, it’s been a challenge to say the least and quite honestly I still think negative thoughts daily. Here’s what I’m changing though–NOT dwelling on them. If I don’t like my house, don’t turn to Pinterest to wallow in self pity. Rather figure out ways I can enjoy it more. If that means more DIY projects–make it happen. If my life isn’t going in a direction I want it to or bad things keep happening–find the tiny positives to get me through each day.
I didn’t even realize how often I was being a “Negative Nancy” until I really started to not be one. How pathetic is that? Whoops. I don’t want Blake to be negative though, I mean really, who would want their child to be negative? No one, but you know what I mean. I don’t want her picking up on my bad example. So I made a decision to fix it. It’s only been about oh, a week. However I’m here to report, it’s been a good week. It’s actually nice not to stress about stupid little things that really no one cares about except me. Plus, it’s a start to a better example from me to my sweet Blake girl. So here’s to sweeter beginnings, I’ll report back with progress. Hopefully successful progress 😉
Xoxo,
Jess
Christina says
Thank you for this. I’m struggling with some anxiety, and I often spend a good portion of my day watching my baby worrying that something is wrong with him. I think taking positive action is key, and I’m reeeally trying to work on it. Thanks for your honesty.