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First off, I posted about this on Snapchat this morning and have been overwhelmed with gratitude from the loving comments, support and response from y’all. Seriously I can’t thank you all enough. Now, let’s chat…
I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not to post this, but y’all know I like to keep things real and this is as real as it gets. Plus it’s something that needs to be addressed for everyone.
This morning I woke up to a message that said this, “That’s weird that your baby started crawling at barely 7 months. Most babies that crawl that early it’s because they’re not held enough.” Followed by the hashtag #badmom
I am NOT a bad Mom, I know that for a fact. I love my baby more than life itself and would do anything for her. Yes, I work a LOT, sometimes 15 hours a day, but that’s just our lives and sometimes I don’t get to hold her nearly as much as I would like to. However, Grandma more than makes up for it and she is held and cuddled A LOT. But I DO NOT need to justify myself to you or anyone because I know I’m a good mom. You didn’t hurt my feelings, but you did make me realize something.
We have got to STOP this cyber bullying thing. Since when did it become okay to say something like that to anyone? Even if I do put myself and my family in the public (because that’s part of being a blogger), it’s not okay. How would you like it if someone called you a bad Mom? It goes so much further than this though. I’ve had things said to me since day one of blogging, however it’s gotten so much worse since becoming a Mom. I’ve been called awful names, yelled at for the most simple of things and bashed for my parenting. She’s too cold, her headband is too tight, I bought the wrong car seat, she apparently crawled too early, shouldn’t eat solids, the list goes on and on.
Shouldn’t we all be supporting each other? We are ALL doing the best we can, Mom or not. We are doing what’s best for us and our circumstances. Unless we’re physically harming ourselves or others it’s not anyone’s place to say anything. So I dug a little deeper to see the facts and read other stories because I feel so passionate about this.
Did you know that almost 50% of teens (not including adults) were victims of cyber bullying in the last year? Β and only a small percentage of them had people stand up for them.
That’s outrageous in my book. Why can’t we be nice to each other? The other thing I came to realize as I read more about this is there are so many resources for teens, but not many for adults. Trust me, bullying, especially cyber bullying continues into adulthood. And yes, there are amazing people out there. In fact most of you are so supportive and nice, but there’s always a few people that have to ruin it.
So I’m showing those people who’s boss today. You’re not going to hurt me with your words. I’m so much stronger than silly words, but not everyone is. I sure wasn’t as a teenager (you can read that story, here) but I am now and if I see it I will make sure to stand up for you. We all should be. And really Mom bullying and cyber bullying doesn’t get anyone anywhere. It only makes this job we have, Motherhood, even harder than it already is. So let’s knock. it. off.
I share my stories, our family and my experiences on my blog to spread love, support and realness. Not to be put down. I shouldn’t be afraid to post some things, to share realness or post certain pictures because I’m worried someone will say something negative. None of us should. So I’m challenging myself, I’m challenging all of you, next time you see someone being mean–stand up for the person it’s happening to and hashtag it with #projectigotyoback. It’s a funny hashtag, but really it should be. For me at least, making light of a mean situation makes it easier to get through.
So let’s make do this y’all. No one and I mean NO ONE deserves to be bullied, cyber or not.
Update: My point of this post is NOT to put down the person who said this to me or be mean to them, but to bring awareness to Mom shaming, cyber bullying, you know–people being mean, we need to stop, support, stand up for each other and love one another π
Alex Shendow says
I can’t even believe someone would say that to you! If that makes you a bad mom because your baby started crawling at 7 months, then I most be even worse. My baby started crawling last month and just turned 6 months. I don’t know you, but have been following your blog since you became a mom and I just think you’re amazing. Ignore the awful comments like that. You’re doing great π
Alex says
Eeep. I must be terrible! My LO started crawling super early and walking super early.
Though I would never be that awful and rudeI’m not going to be like “oh good for you!” When it’s something that can potentially harm a child. Unfortunately a lot of parents are given outdated information on some really important topics and it makes me cringe, but ultimately I keep my mouth shut.
Trista says
I’m so glad you shared this. It’s so frustrating that people are so fast to criticize, give unwarranted (and usually wrong!) advice and tear others down because their decisions and lives are different than our own. The fact that someone was so rude instead of just being proud of your little one for her accomplishment is just insane. Kuddos to you mama!
Cait says
I cannot believe someone said that to you! That is so awful! Being a mom is hard enough, no one needs to hear a thoughtless comment like that. Glad your not letting anyone drag you down. There really is such a great, supportive group of mamas out there, stick with them and ignore the bullys! #projectgotyoback sounds great! Keep up the great positive attitude!
Grace says
I honestly cannot believe someone would say that either! Food for thought for that one; all babies progress at their own rate. And maybe while doing your tummy time you try to have her reach for things and practice showing her what to do.. Babies are very intuitive and learn very quickly. as I’ve noticed with my second no matter how much I hold her and cuddle her she wants to move, be part of the action and she can’t crawl yet. I’m sure the fact that you have a dog running around makes her very curious and also be a part of the act. All that being said Jess you are so right this bullying needs to stop! There is no point to it. And for people to be saying things about you as a parent… I think as a mother the hardest thing is the guilt game that we play with ourselves, “oh I should have done this instead of that,” or “if only I spent more time doing this.” I mean the list goes on. There is no manual for how to be a parent. We aren’t going to do everything perfect but to put down anothe parent. Come on… Jess you are doing a fabulous job. Your sweet Blake is healthy and happy with two parents who love her dearly. Everyone else can just shove it and should really go find themselves a humble pie and look at themselves first before commenting.. Again you are a wonderful mom! So #projectigotyoback for sure!!
Brooke Bowen says
I found with my kids that the ones I held the most crawled the soonest. And weaned themselves from breastfeeding (really… Even locked in a dark room and I couldn’t get him to nurse once he was moving, so sad for me). Every child is different, every parent-child relationship is different! There is no one way to do things and it gets more obvious with the more children you have. You are doing the Mom thing right! And keep doing YOUR mom thing, and I will keep doing mine, and the judgemental lady can keep doing hers! Since when did a single pair of shoes fit everyone?
Kirsten says
So proud of you for sticking up for yourself! And you’re 100% right…us moms need to stick together! I, personally, being a first-time mom, have learned so much from following all of you mom bloggers and am so thankful for you guys. There have been so many days where I just feel like a failure and then see someone’s post about how they’ve also had a “bad mom day” and then I don’t feel so alone. So thank you! And you’re NOT a bad mom! You’re a darn good one! I’m all for #projectigotyoback!
Victoria says
Thank you so much for posting this!!! I have personally had alot of the brunt end of the mom bullying stick happen to me… being it a slam because I didn’t look like I just had a baby, being to small to have a baby, or the one I dislike the most being slammed for being a stay at home mom. I have seen the mom bullying and stood up for the mom being bullied. This just made me happy to know someone else wants it to stop too. Again thank you
Laura says
I read your post right after reading this http://community.today.com/post/lets-be-more-careful-with-our-dear-mom-who-posts?cid=sm_fbn_pt.
I hope we can all learn to treat each other a little better. You and Blake are beautiful!
Dawn Case says
First of all Please don’t let that comment get to you……….last night I posted a comment on Instagram to you……..my full intention was to tell you what a amazing mom you are (although I started down memory lane about my teens) and am not sure if I told you so. I’ve recently become unemployed after 23 years of working for the same company. I’m not at all functional on social media but have started following some people on Instagram. It is amazing to me the things that are said on some posts…..I now spend most of my time when on Instagram sticking up for people I don’t even know……there is a constant theme with these bullies…….jealousy. As much as I believe the internet and social media are positive contributions to our society I also think they could also be our demise. I’ve recently turned 50 ………there were bullies when I was in school but think about it now , you don’t just have the kids you go to school with being able to bully but pretty much the entire world. When they are on their devices they don’t have to face the person their bullying so it’s much easier not to mention the fact that it can be a feeding frenzy with bullies they seem to stick together. My eyes are wide open to this and I feel sorry for the kids of today. So in conclusion lol(sorry I’ve run On here) You aren’t just a great mom but also someone with a kind heart that’s opened her life to others to help with the hardest job in the world being a amazing mom!
Madison Greer says
I am so glad that you’re not letting those negative Nancy’s bring you down, I really enjoy your blog because of your realness and how much you love your babe. I’m not a mom yet but if I turn out half has good as you I would feel accomplished. Keep up the good work, missy!
Chelsea says
Thank you for this post! I love it when mommies are encouraging and uplifting!It just breaks my heart when moms bash other moms and it seems to be a vicious, never-ending cycle. I sometimes blog for the Huffington Post and my very first post talked a little bit about sleep training (http://huff.to/1Krjfgz), and commenters went CRAZY. You aren’t alone. People constantly have an opinion. Just know that you are doing your best, you know what is best for your baby, and no one loves your baby like YOU do. Cheers, Momma!
Kim says
Thank you for always being real and being you! I think you are hilarious and enjoy all your Snap chats. You are a great mom always remember that – because you are doing your best. That is all any of us can do.
Lizzie says
I’m pretty sure crawling at 7mos is right on target developmentally. I wonder what this loon would think of my neighbors baby who was walking at 7 1/2 mos (no joke)?! Some people should not be allowed to Internet. ?
Nicole says
I LOVE how you keep things real.. hey someone has to right? I know it’s not about shaming the person who said thone horrible things to you, but if they follow you on social media and/or your blog they would see how much you love your kid. I’ve followed ever since you found out you were expecting. There’s no way you could even, in the slightest, be classified as a “bad mom” oh and ps.. my best friends daughter was crawling by like 5 months and she is held and cuddled very much. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing great.
Cebre Jacob says
As an aspiring blogger, this is one of my biggest fears! Why can’t we all just support each other instead of judging?! Thank you for being a positive voice in the momma world!
Katie says
Girl! I literally just blogged about this. I had an article published in Huffington post and was attacked in the comments. Since then, I have had another article published in Scary Mommy, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, Yahoo, and the Independent Journal. Thousands of comments calling me a bad mom. I love that you are speaking out just like I am.
Audrey says
My goodness, what a great post! I don’t understand how people can make such accusatory comments, as if they are the authority and their statements are factual. The only thing I know to be true after having my son is that what works best for my family may not work best for others. Therefore, there’s just no place for criticism, on any topic (as long as the child is safe and loved, of course). My son didn’t walk until he was 16 months and my father-in-law told me it was because I held him far too much (in a negative way). You can’t win! But I got yo back π
Sandy says
I am beyond shocked that this was said to you. I know for a fact you hold and love your baby girl and the fact that she is crawling means that she is developing and thriving. People need to really be mindful of what they say. You rock!
Jess Oakes says
You’re the best Sandy!!!
Courtney says
That’s not even an accurate statement. My child is held 24/ 7 loves being packed by her daddy . She is always in his arms and started doing everything early. I have also been mom shamed for dressing my child nice. I just know what I like . My child is very well taken care of and I am very proud of my myself . I’m not letting anyone take that away from me. I know I love her more than life so I don’t need anyone’s input on my parenting except hers. You seem like an excellent mom and your project is beautiful.
Jess Oakes says
Thank you! π xx