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Yesterday I was working away on a couple projects. It was like 10 o’ clock at night and well, you could say I was past my breaking point. I was exhausted. It had been a long day and well this mind of mine was only making it worse. All the negative things were running through my head…
I wasn’t good enough…
My latest numbers for work sucked…
I’m not hitting my goals…
Everything is going downhill…
I’m an awful Mom…
My house is a mess…
Literally, I was in my head–BIG TIME y’all. Then I started to feel crappy, physically did not feel good. I began to mope around, made my way to the couch and plopped down to wallow. I did some more work on my phone, ignored everything around me and just wallowed in self pity about the things I had made up in my head. Get this though, maybe some of these things were semi true, but half of them were MADE UP. I made them up in my head. Here’s the other thing though: were the things that were even “semi-true” really true? Or was I just looking at it from the wrong perspective?
That’s just it though, we do this all the time. Okay, I do this all the time–but I can’t be the only one, right? Actually, I know I’m not the only one. It’s this disgusting game we play, I like to call it getting into our own heads. It starts like this, with one simple thought. One negative thing enters into our mind, we dwell on it. Then it consumes us. It’s all we can think about and it eats at us. Then it leads to another thought…something similar to the first one, but somehow worse. Now we have two awful things eating away at us and we can’t stop focusing on all the things we’re failing at. Well, then it happens again and at this point we’ve got three, four, five maybe six negative thoughts in our mind and well…it’s all going to go downhill from here. We’re completely inside our own head at this point, we can’t get out. All we can do is sit there in self pity and wallow, worry, get anxious and feel like a complete failure. It’s the worst feeling in the world.
Why do we do it though?
That’s the real question. Why do we even let it get past one thought? I don’t really know the answer to this. What I do know though is that we have the ability to change our perspective. We just have to train ourselves;train ourselves to immediately shut down that negativity the minute the first negative thought pops into our brain. The thing is, life isn’t going to get any easier. We might have a few good days, but then something hard will probably hit us–that’s just life. However it’s also what makes us stronger, it’s what teaches us life lessons and pushes through things we never thought we would be able to do. So why the heck should we even be so focused on the negative?
It’s funny, since becoming a Mom I think I have become more negative. Maybe it’s because I realize that a tiny human being is depending on me or maybe I’m just getting older and things are getting harder. Who knows? I’ll tell you what though, dwelling on it has gotten me no where. It’s made me miserable. It’s gotten worse and I’ve gotten inside my own head more than ever before. It’s set my brain to automatically think of everything that isn’t going my way, to look at my failures rather than at all the successes I’ve had. Instead of focusing on what I do have, I sit there and focus on all the things I don’t have, then I am cursing at God because he won’t just let things go my way, he won’t give me what I want. Now, that’s a little childish, eh? Yes, yes it is. I don’t talk much about my faith on here, it’s just not really what my blog is about, but I had the opportunity to do an interview yesterday on being a Mormon Momprenuer and it kind of opened my eyes. I honestly have so many blessings, we all do. I think we just get so wrapped up in these made up stories in our head that we forget about it.
I remember when I first started A Positively Baby Shower, my first one, almost a year ago. I had the idea a couple of years ago and just kept pushing it out of my head. I was convinced I would fail, I was convinced no one would send in nominations, no one would come, sponsors wouldn’t be interested in a small girl like me, all the negative things. Then finally, after a whole lot of deliberation and fears I decided I would go for it. Now, it wasn’t a big GO FOR IT, it was a tiny, let me dip my toes in the water and we will see if it works. I met with a local venue and told them about the idea and you guys, they loved it–they loved it so much they donated the entire space for it. I think that was the first moment that I realized okay, maybe this is right. Then more planning went on and you know, all that fun stuff and I was starting to hit road blocks. I need a monetary sponsorship and no one was interested in a first time event. I felt defeated. I honestly about called the entire thing off. Then one night, honestly out of the blue, a local company popped into my head. I scheduled a meeting with them the next day (which was so out of my comfort zone) and guess what? I walked away with the money I needed to make this first event happen. It was incredible and I will tell you right now that it was all because of God. Absolutely because of him. Now I’m planning my third and fourth one and had you told me I would be here doing this when it was first an idea in my head…I would have laughed at you. That’s the thing though, with a little faith, trust in him and a whole lot of dedication God won’t let you fail.
My point of the story? Well because whether you’re religious or not, as long as you’re living your life like you should and doing things for the better, you’re not going to fail. So why do we even let our minds go to the negative places that it does? Why do we question our abilities as Mothers, Fathers, Business Owners, Wives? Why do we fill our heads with all the things we wish we had just so we can sit there and wallow in self pity, be sad and constantly live on the edge of our seats waiting for something “better” to come along. Why not enjoy now, enjoy the things we currently have. I mean, you never know–one day you might miss this time. Actually, especially if you have little ones, I know you’ll miss this time–I’ll miss this time. Life is way too fast to dwell on all the negative, to get so far in our heads that we forget about all the good that we do have. Things will probably be hard, in fact they might already be, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make the best of the situation. When Marcus and I were first married I remember thinking we would never own a home. We lived in a basement apartment that cost $500/month and had mice in it. I mean things were messy. We could barely afford groceries some months, let alone our rent payment. The thing is though, I remember being happy. I can look back and remember the hard parts, definitely, but overall I remember being filled with joy, not really having a care in the world that we lived in a crappy little basement apartment, that money was beyond tight, I was happy and my trust and faith was strong. So why can’t I live that same way? Why can’t I have that same attitude?
Well, I can, we can, it’s just about perspective. It’s all about getting out of our own head and stopping those negative thoughts the minute the first one pops in. It’s about counting our blessings, enjoying the now and remember that we really don’t have it that bad after all.
Trust, have faith and let’s just enjoy the now.
Courtney says
I totally do this to myself all of the time.. it’s crazy! You inspire me, to keep staying positive! Thank you for sharing this ♥️