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The other day I was sitting on the couch, snuggling my sick little babe. I looked around me and literally got anxious over what I saw; toys everywhere, dishes two feet high in the sink, dirty baseboards, a box of receipts that needed to be filed, two laundry baskets sitting on the floor–that had been there for a week, waiting to be folded– and the bathrooms, I didn’t even want to think about the bathrooms. I mean my house was literally a disaster and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was sitting there snuggling my babe and all I could think about was how I was “supposed to” wash my sheets once a week and that hadn’t been done in like two months or how there’s ALWAYS so many toys everywhere. When was I going to find the time to clean this all up? I swear, I clean one spot, turn around and the space behind me is two times dirtier than it was before. Between working, being a Mom and wife-in’ it up, I literally don’t have time to clean my house. I don’t even have time to wash my hair most days.
The problem is, I feel like I’m supposed to have it all together. That I’m supposed to be able to keep my house clean at all times, work full time, be a Mom full time and everything else in between. I mean, I’m a friggin’ Superwoman right? That’s just it though, yeah I might be Superwoman, I mean the title “Mom” makes me that alone, but I shouldn’t be able to handle it all, no one should. Keeping a clean house shouldn’t be the thing I’m thinking about, stressing about and literally getting anxiety over while my sweet girl is snuggling up next to me for once in her life. We put way too much pressure on ourselves, I know I do. There’s just a few things we have to remember, a few things that I guarantee we have heard from other people before, but we take it with a grain of salt rather than actually soaking it in and listening to the advice.
“You’re going to miss this.”
Yeah, the days are hard and some are really long. Sometimes this sweet, snuggly girl, isn’t so sweet and snuggly and I walk out of the post office hold her like a sack of potatoes as she kicks and screams because she didn’t get a piece of candy. But let this soak in for a minute, you’re going to miss this.
One day, this sweet sassy girl of mine, isn’t going to be little anymore. One day she’s going to be a teenager and I’m going to be saying, hurry up — let’s get through these hard teenage years and wishing she was still my little baby. Then before I know it, she’s going to be getting married and I’m going to be a mess, wishing she was still a teenager, wishing she was my tiny baby again that would snuggle with me, test my patience and make me laugh all the time. I live too much in fast forward. I live too much worrying about what I need to do, what needs to happen next, where I need to be and how my stupid house needs to be clean, that I forget to just soak everything in, to bottle up the time that I have right now with her.
She’s growing up right before my eyes, she’s going to be two years old in a couple of months and I swear to you she was just born. I blinked and it was gone. I’ve been worrying about my messy house too much, I’ve been picking things up around her rather than just stopping, getting on the floor and playing with the things that need to be “picked up”.
The thing is, she needs me right now. I don’t need to apologize for a messy house, in fact I wish we would all stop apologizing for that. If you’re a Mom, going to another Mom’s house — there should just be an understanding that well, my house is probably going to be a disaster, so just deal with it — we live here. She needs my love, my cuddles, my undivided attention every second that I can give it to her. I need it. I need her snuggles, I need that sweet baby smell that she still has, I need her smile to brighten my day and I need that time to just be a Mom, tantrums or not, my heart needs it. I need five minutes to myself after she goes to sleep, even if I just stare at the monitor and watch her, I need just a little peace, no cleaning, just sitting, doing nothing.
So I’m sorry, but my house, it’s not going to be perfectly clean all the time. I’ll do my best, but it’s not something I am going to make myself anxious over. One day it might be perfectly kept, maybe in ten years, maybe in twenty, but right now, I’m not sorry that there’s toys everywhere, that my sink is full of dishes and that I haven’t done laundry in two weeks. Right now, I need to be a Mom and I’m doing my best. Laundry can wait, dishes will get clean eventually and toys, they show love and a good time, so they can stay. 😉
One day, I WILL miss this, so rather than letting it slip by me, rather than worrying about all the “what ifs”, I’ll just be a Mom. I’ll soak in the cuddles, handle the tantrums and remember the feeling that I had when I held this sweet girl in my arms for the first time because that feeling, that feeling was the best thing I’ve ever felt and I love this little girl more than words can even describe.