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I was talking to some girlfriends last night after a rough day and honestly, it was just what I needed. Adult conversation and a different perspective on things. When something clicked. About a year ago I was at an ultimate low. Like didn’t want to get out of bed most days. I was so far into depression I honestly had no idea. I cried most days, didn’t want to move and I was so caught up on how imperfect my life was and focusing on the failures and worries of the future that I had forgotten about the good things I did have. It’s hard to live in a world where so much is on the table and everywhere in our faces, no doubt about it, but the problem was rooted in me.
I was so caught up in my own self pity, in my own world of “things aren’t going right” that I had created this pattern of automatically and constantly thinking the future was just going to get worse and worse. I had made up this imaginary world in my head for the future, I had dug so deep of a hole that I was living a nightmare. I was so worried about the things I didn’t have, what the future held and if things would ever “get better” that it literally consumed me.
I had forgotten something so important.
I had forgotten that it was okay to not have everything, to live in the moment, to let go of what I can’t control. I had forgotten that no one is perfect, that my life is its own and that “things” are NOT what’s going to fix anything. Then one day, it hit me. I am always going to have something that I am going to want better in my life. When one thing works itself out, there’s going to be another thing that pops up. It’s a vicious cycle, it’s life, things are never ever going to be perfect. If I keep this attitude up I am going to be chasing unrealistic happiness until i die.
AND where is that going to get me? Really, where?
NO WHERE. I am just going to continue to coop myself up in this bed, cry everyday, be negative, be mean and destroy relationships. Not to mention, MISS MOMENTS. I was missing moments that could be so good. I was literally so wrapped up in the negatives and “poor me” moments of my life, that quite honestly I had made up the majority of, that I was missing so many good moments right in front of my face.
So I did it, I let go. Was it over night? No way. In fact it took several months to retrain my brain from the negative thinking that it had done for the past several years over to taking in a moment, moving on from the bad thoughts and letting go.
So I was sitting there last night, with my friends and it clicked. I was finally there. I was at the point where I could look back and see a change, I could see my switch in happiness, I could literally feel it. I had been told this would happen, but it seemed impossible and I was so far in that I didn’t even believe it, but I got to the point of – what do I have to lose?
But here I am. I am on the other side. Is life hard? Oh my gosh, life is hard, but when is it not going to be? Do I still compare myself to others? Yep. It’s the natural response of being a human being. BUT now, now I am able to let it go. To look at whatever it is, then ask myself “Does it honestly matter?”, most times it does not and then I put my focus on the thing that does, like my sweet baby girl, my husband, my family – whatever it is that is REAL, in front of me, in my life that is NOT irreplaceable.
Things are replaceable. Phones are replaceable. Money is literally replaceable (maybe hard to do, but it is). FAMILY, your people, THEY’RE NOT. You can not replace them. So stop wasting time, stop focusing on the negatives in life and focus on them. Find your balance, find your peace and have faith. There’s just no point in worrying – I can tell you right now, that worrying just causes stress, anxiety, depression (I’ve literally been there), but the reality is you can’t control the future, you can’t control things you’re worrying about. They’re going to happen, no matter what. Having faith though, having the mindset of just letting go of things that you can’t control and things that don’t matter – that is when happiness kicks in. That is when your mind is able to focus on the real in front of you and the moments that bring you the ultimate joy. I promise, it’s changed my life. Had you told me that a year ago, I would have never believed you and it was a lot of work, but oh my gosh – it was so worth it.
Find your peace, let go and turn your worry into faith.