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Y’all know, I try really hard to just keep it as real and light hearted as possible. I’ve been wanting to get more of a life post up, so I though I’m going to write about something close to my heart – and immediately thought, yep – let’s talk about my newest journey. That journey is going from one to two kids. Now, let me preface this with, for those new around here, we waited a hot minute for this, you know – the lovely “blessing” of infertility. 😉 I say that real sarcastically, obviously. Years of it, then an IVF journey and well, now we have our perfect little baby boy and the best big sister ever (who gets a little jealous here and there) who is 4.5. And honestly, now that we are here, I am MORE than fine with the age gap. Anyways, so like I said we waited a hot minute, so you think I would be maybe better prepared, I don’t know – had a game plan or something. NOPE. I’m here to tell you, while it’s been incredible, going from 1 to 2 kids has also rocked my world. And I know, I know – try having 3 or 4 or whatever, but guys this is about me right now. 😉
Honestly, I just want to say all this with the hope of reminding at least one Mama out there that they’re not alone in their feelings whether they just had their first baby or their fourth baby. We’re all human and we are all figuring it out. I mean, I remember bringing my first home from the hospital, my husband and I laid her on the bed, looked at each other and literally said out loud, “now what?”…. I mean, you’re entrusted to just take a tiny human baby home and know all the things. THAT’S TERRIFYING.
Well adding a second isn’t much easier or less terrifying, it’s just different. I think the biggest challenge for me has been not feeling guilty. About everything. Not feeling guilty that I’m not spending enough time with my oldest, not feeling guilty that I’m not giving our newest enough attention. Literally, just this giant, stressful, balancing act. And honestly, I don’t think it’s ever going to really “work itself out”, I think it’s just going to start becoming more normal, just like it was bringing our first baby home for the first time. That’s just life though, you start something new in any aspect and it’s rarely easy at first, but it just takes time and that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, but it’ll just become your new normal with some great days and some not so great days. Life… what can I say.
Now that we’ve discussed a challenge, let’s talk about positive. Becoming a family of four is something we dreamt of for so long that honestly some days I still feel like “pinch me”. Watching my daughter love and care on her baby brother is the most incredible thing. She definitely has her moments of “give me attention” but the incredible big sister moments outweigh those. She basically thinks he’s a real life baby doll and wants to hold him, change him, feed him and snuggle him all day long and well, I’m not mad about any of it.
Anyways, long story short – it hasn’t been an easy transition at all. When people ask how it’s going, I typically say “there are moments of really good and moments of pure chaos”. And well, that statement is more than true and I feel like it sums it up perfectly. There are the ones like I described above with my daughter being so sweet and then there are moments when baby boy is screaming uncontrollably in the car and my 4.5 year old is yell-singing at the top of her lungs and complaining about it being too loud, while my brain literally feels like it’s just falling out of my head.
Real life people.
But, ya know what – I recorded an entire day of Motherhood a few weeks ago and well, it made me realize something. We are incredible. Seriously, us Moms are SUPER HEROES and that’s not an understatement, we do crazy, hard, incredible things every, single, day. So don’t forget that. Even on the hardest of days, remember that you are strong, that tomorrow is a new day and that honestly, the days are long, but the years are freaking short and it might be really hard right now, but one day you’re going to miss it and it just goes by so fast.
So hang in there and don’t be so hard on yourself, I mean I should be taking my own advice. Basically what I’m saying is, we should all be showing ourselves a little more grace.